After the first rehearsal for The Twin Captains for the 12th Night Performance in January of 2002 in November, three members of the troupe decided to do some publicity on the West Kingdom list-server (an email server system to allow communication among those signed up for it). To do this, they created some free email accounts for the names of some characters that are not in The Twin Captains, and started posting messages, to which I was asked (in private) to respond, and it went from there. The purpose of all of this was to publicize the play a bit, and try to drum up interest for the play at 12th Night.

It was a lot of fun, and we decided to preserve the messages here so you could read them at your leisure. These are placed here in the sequence that they were posted ...

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Greetings from Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Greetings,

I am Master Magnifico of Baloney, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts.

Recently I visited the far off land of AweStin and there I was entertained by the most fantastic troupe of Commedia Actors, The Golden Stag Players. After one of their performances I spoke with a certain Lord Brighella, who informed me he was their manager and offered me the opportunity to patronize his troupe .

Unfortunately, my lackey, Zanni, failed to gather the required contact information for Lord Brighella, so I am now forced to correct this error.

I will be attending your most excellent Kingdom celebration of 12th Night to once again view the antics of these hilarious players and their production of "The Twin Captains"

I will require someone there to put me in contact with Lord Brighella. I am quite eager to patronize his most excellent company of actors.

Your Better,

Master Magnifico of Baloney, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: Greetings from Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Unto the Most Gracious and Generous Master Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts, does your Obedient Servant, Lord Brighella, send Greetings!

Upon receiving Your kind missive, I have hastened to reply that the Golden Stag Players eagerly await your presence. Since our triumphant return from AweStin, my humble actors have become quite giddy with the thought of accepting Your noble patronage.

And should Your Worship desire companionship while visiting our Fair Kingdom, my actresses -- beautiful and virtuous maidens, all -- will be glad to fulfill Your every desire.

We await Your pleasure,
Lord Brighella
Proprietor of The Golden Stag Players

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Attention all citizens!

Attention all humble citizens of this insignificant kingdom and prepare to quail in fear at the words of the great and terrible Il Magnifico as he will deign to grace you with his words.

He is a great patron of the arts and actresses, and expects total and unflagging loyalty and efficiency from all who deal with him. I would advise all that he addresses to answer promptly and with no excess verbiage, as he has no patience and a heavy hand.

Zanni

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: Attention all citizens!

Zanni you fool! You were supposed to announce my arrival befor I arrived!

Now go and speak to Lord Brighella and find out more about The Golden Stag Players.

<sigh>

One can not get good help these days.

Il Magnifico of Baloney, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: Greetings from Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Lord Brighella
Proprietor of The Golden Stag Players

To "Lord Brighella" -- whomever you are ...

I find the fact that you call yourself the "proprietor" of the Golden Stag Players amusing, as until now I have never even HEARD of you. The Golden Stag Players are MY troupe of actors, not yours. How could you even _think_ to make such a bold claim?

If you do not step back from your claim, I will have to take legal action, and the guards will haul you away.

Master Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP
The *REAL* Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
A Word of Caution to Il Magnifico

To the Most Gracious and Patient and Understanding Master Magnifico

Please rest assured that I am the true manager of this humble acting troupe, and we eagerly await Your pleasure. Why, just last evening I spoke at length with one of my actresses who feared that she was not virtuous enough to warrant your attention.

I fear I must overstep my bounds, however, and caution Your Worship to ignore the prattling claims of Master Hirsch von Henford -- he is quite mad, and will claim to be the "director" of our modest little troupe. He is quite harmless, but he is German and as he dines on nothing but cabbage, he is subject to frequent bouts of vapors which cause him to hallucinate.

Your humble and obedient servant,
Lord Brighella
Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: A Word of Caution to Il Magnifico

My Dear Lord Brighella,

I thank you for your kind warning regarding the machinations of the disturbed Master Hirsch. It is to your credit that you recognize your duty to your betters such as I.

They are, however, most unnecessary, as I am well versed in the mind set of Actors, being as I am a Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts. He does seem to be somewhat adamant about his position however, and this does give me some pause as to the nature of his relationship to your most excellent troupe.

I will therefor require you to clear up this matter before I can give my patronage.

As I will be at your Kingdom's 12th Night celebration anyway, I will require you to meet me before the performance of "The Twin Captains" to further discuss these matters. I would most enjoy being escorted around your Kingdom to meet its people and view its arts first hand as well.

Your Better,
Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
To Il Magnifico

Greetings, Oh Magnificent One --

Let me explain a few things, before you make an unfortunate investment in "Lord Brighella".

I have spent the last hour or so in contact with the local law agencies in this area.

It seems that "Lord Brighella" (if that is his real name, and I don't believe he has any claim to the title!) has quite a reputation among the law enforcement community.

He is wanted for several cases EACH of identity theft, bribery, arson, murder(!), pilferage, espionage, extortion, and one provable case of littering (several more are suspected).

Based on his "rap sheet", and other things that I have been told, I would venture that if you were unfortunate enough to actually fall for his tricks, when you gave him the money you wish to donate to the Players, that they would never see it, but instead he would abscond with these funds, and disappear. He has been known to do exactly that in the past.

I beg you to reconsider this ill-advised course of action, and instead, to talk to the true leader and founder of the Golden Stag Players, namely myself. If you wish to see my credentials, I would be more than willing to make an arrangement. Please send your servant Zanni to me when you get a chance.

Please believe I am

      Your Servant,

            Master Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP
            The TRUE Founder and Director
            of the Golden Stag Players

(From Wulfstan Darroldson)

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

So, looks like the Constabulary will have to make an arrest of this miscreant....... under at least ONE of his alias's. You know, they DO say that "Confession is good for the soul". Gywn- I'll bring the brute squad if you bring the leg irons & handcuffs.
Wulfy

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

>So, looks like the Constabulary will have to make an arrest of this
>miscreant....... under at least ONE of his alias's. You know, they DO say
>that "Confession is good for the soul". Gywn- I'll bring the brute squad if
>you bring the leg irons & handcuffs.

Be careful -- this one's pretty sneaky. However, I do appreciate the quick return from the Constabulary of this fine Kingdom.

Hirsch

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

Master Hirsch,
I beg you to be equally careful of this 'Il Magnifico', for he was originally in Caid some years back, and was directly involved in a heinous murder during a feast for the Festival of St. Genesius. Oh, yes, he had the flashy clothes and the brilliant smile, and spoke of his patronage of the arts and his wealth, but once the feast was over, we could find no trace of him!

THL Lord Jared Alexandre Blaydeaux
Founding Member of the Guild of St. Genesius (in my own living room!)

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

Lord Jared --

Oh my. What can I say -- I am apalled. I had never heard of this case. What a shame. Maybe it's a different person using the name? (Of course, that might be a problem all on its own ... hmmm ...) I have heard of our brethren of the Guild of St. Genesius of course, as that is where the genius author Goldwyn of Britain created some of his best known works. I suppose that the Golden Stag Players will have to look elsewhere for patronage. What a pity.

Master Hirsch von Henford
True Founder of the Golden Stag Players

The following was a private email from Lord Jared to Hirsch:

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Subject: Il Magnifico

The funny thing is _I_ was "Il Magnifico" for our murder mystery feast.....<grin> So, I don't know where this imposter is coming from!! <BIG GRIN>. Come to think of it, Goldwyn wrote that, too, or at least the premise for it, and helped us work on our improv for weeks before the event.

Yours in gleeful conspiracy,

Jared

This was posted somehow from Seamus' email address, rather than Zanni's ... hmmm ...

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

As soon as people decide where I am supposed to go, I'll go. But my master has stated that I am to speak to Lord Brighella, and I am afraid to say that I have no orders concerning Master Hirsch short of avoiding him, so speak to Brighella I will.

Zanni

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

Sorry for the bandwidth, but I wanted to let people know that while I was out of the house today it appears that somebody posted from my account. I just wanted to let you know that this "Zanni" character did not have permission to use my name or account and to not apply anything that he says/said has anything to do with me.

Now if only I can catch him.... Hmmmm..... My brother is out visiting..... Nah, he's a mundane....

seamus

Date: Nov. 7, 2001
Re: To Il Magnifico

Since it seems that the last computer that I was on was incorrectly set for me to use it to further the aims of my master, I must move on. Lord Brighella, do not try to contact me. I will be by to see you later and I will leave no trail as I don't want this self-appointed Brute Squad to find me.

And for the reference of all others on this list, I can guarantee that my master is NOT the Il Magnifico that did all of those heinous acts in the Kingdom of Caid. All of my masters acts were committed in other jurisdictions.

Zanni

Date: Nov. 8, 2001
Re: A Word of Caution to Il Magnifico

Unto the Most Noble and Gracious Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts, does the Honest and Unworthy Lord Brighella send greetings!

I regret that Master Hirsch's mad ramblings have caused Your Worship any distress. It would appear that he has been keeping company with Camilla, a notorious lightskirt who is occasionally charitably employed by our company, and I am sure she has taken advantage of his dementia to cause him to believe himself the proprietor of the Golden Stag Players.

Please rest assured that poor, mad Master Hirsch will be gently cared for -- I have arranged for the Sisters of Plausible Deniability to have him sequestered until these delusions pass.

It will be my pleasure to escort You around 12th Night -- it is a most beauteous celebration. The artisans and merchants of our kingdom will have fabulous wares on display, and all our citizens will be arrayed in their finest attire. And, of course, my talented actors, the Golden Stag Players, will be presenting "The Twin Captains."

Until then, I remain Yours to command.
Lord Brighella
Rightful and Honest
Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

Date: Nov. 8, 2001
Re: A Word of Caution to Il Magnifico

Unto the Lord Brighella,
The Latest Pretender to the Impresarioship of the
Golden Stag Players,
does Camilla, TFoA
send slight acknowledgement of his existence (but not much else)

With your customary lack of taste, not to mention accuracy, you have made a series of statements to the Noble, Gracious, and Fundamentally Tolerant Il Magnifico, that I, Camilla, must take exception to.

I find it incredible that you can make claim to the Impresarioship of the Golden Stag Players, since I do not remember seeing you at any rehearsals over the last 10 years or so, unlike Master Hirsch who was at all of them, or at any of the performances except the two that you were in (and stunk in, I might add, you fraud).

Also, if you were the Impresario of the Golden Stag Players, I would have been sleeping with YOU for the last 10 years or so, which is clearly impossible since I have enjoyed the experience, as I would not have done had it been you in the bed with me. However, to be fair, I would certainly have caught up on my sleep. As to my being a "lightskirt", as you so chivalrously put it -- how would YOU know since I wouldn't sleep with you even for sympathy?

However, you have made one statement that has a tiny mote of truth to it (though this is clearly unintentional) I have indeed been charitably employed by the Golden Stag Players, since I haven't been paid so much as two scudi for 10 years of schlepping after a group of feckless actors, who are the most appallingly messy eaters I have ever seen, particularly Trivillino Cooksbane.

Therefore, as far as I am concerned, you are welcome to call yourself Impresario, or Lord, or King of the West or whatever, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY FOR THE PRIVILEGE.

Until then, I remain NOBODY's servant,
Camilla

Date: Nov. 8, 2001
Re: A Word of Caution to Il Magnifico

To The Noble and Understanding Il Magnifico, Patron of the Performing Arts,

Does Master Hirsch von Henford, TRUE Founder and Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players send

Greetings!

I will not stoop to respond to "Lord" Brighella's ignoble words, as they are beneath my notice.

As You may also have seen, Camilla is perfectly capable of defending herself (although I was surprised to see that she feels she has not been paid, as I have paid her with the same coins the actors receive for their performances over the years).

I would simply ask that if there are doubts as to the true proprietorship of the Golden Stag Players, that You consider, when you come to our fair Kingdom, asking some of the nobles of this realm who is the proprietor. I would suggest, for example, His Grace Duke Frederick of Holland, who has seen nearly every play we have ever done, or Mistress Eilis O'Boirne, who has also seen almost all of them. Indeed, there are many amongst the nobility whose honor would demand that they tell the truth if asked such a question. As a matter of fact, His Majesty King Hauoc has seen at least one of our performances, I have record of this.

So, rather than listen to the ravings of a thief and brigand such as Brighella, I respectfully request that you consider discussing this matter at length with some of the honorable peerage and nobility of the beauteous Kingdom of the West.

When you have then ascertained the TRUTH of the matter, then perhaps we can discuss your patronage, as we should have been doing from the beginning.

Please believe I have the utmost respect for YOU,

Master Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP
The Rightful and Original Proprietor of
The Golden Stag Players

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Further Consideration on Patronage for The Golden Stag Players

Il Magnifico of Baloney, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts
acknowledges the existence of
Lord Brighella, Proprietor of The Golden Stag Players

Lord Brighella,

I expect your holiday celebration was adequate. Mine was, I'm sure, far superior to yours, but still most trying.

I spent the time traveling and taking in performances in a place called Wide Street, or Broad Lane. Something like that. There I was accosted for several days by the whining of a Mr. A. L. Webber. He was attempting to get me to patronize his theatrical efforts. I tried to be polite (as you know so well that I am), but finally was forced to explain that I would not be giving my patronage to him.

When he asked why I was forced to explain that I could not patronize someone who neglects the great theatrical traditions.

For example, hiring actors.

Can you believe that he actually ran a show where the cast consists entirely of felines? Admittedly they sang reasonably well, but really! Not to mention the problems it caused my allergies. What's next? Dogs? Birds? And all the while there are talented people who could give far superior performances.

Why, I'm sure that if your fine troupe of actors merely applied some make up and false whiskers, that they would have been a far superior performance.

Which brings me to the point of this missive.

I am still deeply concerned over this apparent contention between you and Master Hirsch regarding the true proprietorship of The Golden Stag.

Has there been any kind of resolution to this problem while I was away?

Your Better,
Il Magnifico of Baloney, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: Further Consideration on Patronage for The Golden Stag Players

Unto the Most Wise, Kind and Noble Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Arts, does the humble Lord Brighella send greetings!

Your Worship does me the greatest honor by asking after my holiday. Unfortunately, my planned festivities were somewhat dampened by the slanderous and despicable remarks of Master Hirsch, and I chose to spend the time in quiet contemplation, away from the public eye. My actors, however, have been busily rehearsing and will perform the most spectacular entertainments at 12th Night in the hopes of winning Your favor and patronage.

As to Master Hirsch's baseless claims, Your Honor should set all fears to rest. Although the Sisters of Plausible Deniability were unable to cure him of his dementia, some of my loyal supporters intend to call upon him and convince him to see the error of his ways. But fear not, Your Worship, for they will be most tender and gentle in dealing with the poor madman.

Finally, I must confess that I am intrigued by Your description of the singing and dancing felines. Admittedly, I have heard that in England, trained bears are often found entertaining the rabble, but I have never heard of a man who could control cats! It must have been a marvel! Although Your tastes surely are too sophisticated for such coarse entertainments.

Please let my meager assurances calm any doubts You may have about my troupe. We look forward to Your arrival.

Lord Brighella
Proprietor
Golden Stag Players

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: Further Consideration on Patronage for The Golden Stag Players

Coviello, Pulcinella -- That old fool Magnifico will be in town for 12th Night, and if we're not careful, Hirsch will ruin all my plans to rob the old buzzard blind. Coviello, put on a wig and a dress, and see if you can lure Hirsch out into the open. Pulcinella, when Hirsch is distracted, throw a bag over his head and carry him away. If he squeals too loudly, hit the bag with a stick until he is quiet, and then take him back to the brothel.

The "Sisters of Plausible Deniability" should never have let him get away the first time; you both must remain there and help guard him. And watch out for the Constables -- Wulfstan and Christoph are both getting suspicious. They actually had the temerity to keep my house under surveillance!

Do not fail me.

Brighella

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: GSP Schtick

Hey! How did *I* get involved in this?? :-)

Christophe d'Avignon

P.S. Wulfy - something you're not telling me about here?

>The "Sisters of Plausible Deniability" should never have let him get
>away the first time; you both must remain there and help guard him.
>And watch out for the Constables -- Wulfstan and Christoph are both
>getting suspicious. They actually had the temerity to keep my house
>under surveillance!
>
>Do not fail me.
>
>Brighella

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: GSP Schtick

>Hey! How did *I* get involved in this?? :-)

My dear Christophe --

As a member of the Constabulary, is it not your duty, nay, your privilege to protect and defend the upright and honest citzenry of this Kingdom? Is it not your moral obligation to ensure that brigands such as Brighella and his "Sisters of Plausible Deniability" receive the punishments that they should for the crimes that they have committed?

I, for one, appreciate and applaud the efforts of the brave and bold constables of this fine Kingdom, and hope that all of us honest citizens can depend on them in times of crisis and need.

Meister Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP
Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: GSP Schtick

Hey, wait a minute! I thought my job was taking money at the gate and making sure the fire laws are being obeyed. What's this about brigands???

Hmmm... Wait a minute... Maybe these Sisters *do* need a bit of "punishment." "And after the spankings..." heheheh

On second thought, with the kind of skullduggery they're reputed to be perpetrating, they're probably built along the lines of the "East German women's olympic team" in "Top Secret." (Fun movie. Val Kilmer at his best, if such can be said to exist.) Maybe I'd better settle for protecting Meister Hirsch and locking these "sisters" up. I know we have a castle here in Darkwood, I'll have to check it out further and see if it has a dungeon.

As always, a pleasure to be of service, Meister Hirsch,
Christophe d'Avignon
Constable of Darkwood

(From Wulfstan Darroldson to Christophe)

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: GSP Schtick

Yes, you are part of the Brute squad that I recruited to arrest the miscreant.

(From Christophe to Wulfstan)

Oh. Right. And I actually *volunteered* for that, didn't I?

<sigh>

Me and my big mouth.

Christophe d'Avignon

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: Further Consideration on Patronage for The Golden Stag Players

Zanni, this Lord Brighella is starting to make me rather suspicious. I need you to arrange a meeting with Master Hirsch for me.

I begin to suspect that his side of this story might be worth listening to after all.

Perhaps you can arrange a few distractions during the 12th Night festivities so that I might slip away for a few moments.

Arrange it.

And don't fail me again.

Il Magnifico

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: Further Consideration on Patronage for The Golden Stag Players

Unto the Great Il Magnifico of Baloney, Patron of the Dramatic Arts,
does Meister Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP,
TRUE Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players, send

Greetings!

>I spent the time traveling and taking in performances in a place called
>Wide Street, or Broad Lane. Something like that. There I was accosted
>for several days by the whining of a Mr. A. L. Webber. He was attempting to
>get me to patronize his theatrical efforts. I tried to be polite (as you
>know so well that I am), but finally was forced to explain that I would
>not be giving my patronage to him.

I have heard of this A. L. Webber, and do not recommend that you waste your money on his shows. They are usually quite plebian and beneath the notice of one such as yourself.

>I am still deeply concerned over this apparent contention between you and
>Master Hirsch regarding the true proprietorship of The Golden Stag.

I am rather concerned over this myself, and have asked that the local constabulary keep an eye on this Brighella. I hear rumor that he has hired some thugs to try to abduct me and keep me out of sight until after you have left. This has me quite nervous, as you might imagine.

I have also checked with the constables about these "Sisters of Plausible Deniability". It appears that they are nothing but a bunch of reprobates who hire themselves out to perform tasks such as abductions, murder, and more. The fact that Brighella would even speak to them says volumes about his character.

It is to that end that I have asked for a restraining order to be placed on Brighella, and have requested police protection to keep the members of the "Sisters of Plausible Deniability" from me.

In the meantime my fine troupe of actors, the Golden Stag Players, are hard at work preparing the play to be presented at the upcoming West Kingdom Twelfth Night. I have every hope that after seeing this performance we can discuss your patronage further.

Meister Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP
TRUE Founder and Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

Date: Dec. 5, 2001
Re: Further Consideration on Patronage for The Golden Stag Players

Zanni, check out Brighella! Zanni, check out Master Hirsch! Zanni, watch my house! Zanni, clean my toes! Always ordering Zanni around, and never giving me my own time. I don't even get time to eat! It isn't fair for me to be ordered around so much! I am a human being and I deserve respect! -er- As long as it doesn't inconvenience you, that is....

Master, I was attempting to keep an eye out on Lord Brighella over the past couple of weeks, but he hasn't been seen around "his" actors lately. I was able to learn quite a bit about some of his "actresses" though. Very pleasant ladies.

As to a meeting with Master Hirsch, I hear rumours that he plans on being with his actors this Sunday. Should I tell him to expect you then?

Zanni

Date: Jan. 6, 2002
Subject: (unknown)

Greetings unto Il Magnifico, Great Patron of the Dramatic Arts, and unto the Most Excellent Populace of the West Kingdom, from the humble and honest Lord Brighella, Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players!

I hope Your Excellency enjoyed visiting our noble Kingdom, for certainly we were honored by Your Presence. As you no doubt saw, my plucky acting troupe was multiply honored by the gracious King Hauoc and beautiful Queen Ginevra, and I am sure You noted the high esteem in which we are held by the populace of this fair Kingdom.

Due to an unfortunate circumstance, I was unable to be present to accept Your generous patronage, but I hope that my associate was able to attend to Your desires.

I do hope that Master Hirsch was not too distressed by these events. After consulting with his doctors, and the Sisters of Plausible Deniability, it has been determined that Master Hirsch is incurably insane. Please rest assured that he will be most gently cared for.

Amazingly, he was able to convince the constabulary that he, not I, is the true proprietor of the Golden Stag Players. Although it is possible that they were merely humoring him until he could be safely incarcerated, I fear that my own safety is now in jeopardy. Therefore, although it means that my beloved acting troupe will now flounder helplessly without its leader, I must take Your generous donation to start a new life elsewhere.

But please rest assured, Your Excellency, that Your kindness will be long remembered.

Your obedient, humble servant,
Lord Brighella
Former Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

Date: Jan. 6, 2002
Subject: Lord Brighella?

Unto Il Magnifico, Patron of the Arts, and Patron of the Golden Stag Players, does Hirsch von Henford, Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players,

send Greetings --

Your Excellency -- it appears that Brighella has managed to escape the clutches of the Constables yet again. I fear he deceived you once more, and somehow you had the feeling that I was this Brighella at the end of the performance. I am sorry that there was some foul-up -- perhaps Zanni was not clear enough in telling you who was who.

The Constables took Brighella away during the Curtain Call, however, he appears to have escaped, and then to have absconded with the money you had gifted us with. I fear we will never see him or the money again.

While I hate to say "I warned you", Brighella is truly a scoundrel, and should not have been trusted.

I hope that this will not impede any chance of more patronage from you for our fine troupe of actors in the future.

Please believe I remain,

     A servant of the Crown and Kingdom of the West,

          Maestro Hirsch von Henford, OL, OP
          Baron of the Court of the West
          and True Proprietor of the Golden Stag Players

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